Memories of Irony
by Nikkler
Summary: Changed title. It was 'A Silent Promise, a Lost Secret'. Pride and honor has been destroyed only to be restored. Thoughts from the youngest samurai to his priestess.
1. Memoir I: A Silent Promise

Yes! I'm one of the first to submit a Samurai 7 fanfic. I hope others who have seen the series will do the same. 

Thank you Charisma for betaing you are doing a wonderful job!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Samurai 7. If I did then Katsu would be mine!

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A Silent Promise, A lost Secret

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I broke my promise to you…

I let go…

Am I so un-honorable that I can't even keep a promise as a samurai and as your friend? I have let you down but I promise you this, I will never let you go, not to any body. I'll swear on my life that, that shall never happen again. When the time came a second time I was true to that promise. I restored my honor. You didn't understand me at the time but I told you that I would never let go of your hand again. I'll keep you from harm, even at the cost of my life.

Did you believe me? I hope you did, I meant it from the bottom of my being. I don't know when I became so taken with you… When I first laid eyes on you? During our searches for the other samurai? But then, does it really matter?

I hope that one day you can look at me with adoration like you do with Kambei-sensei. What will happen when I do become like him? Will you still be willing to hold the hands of someone covered in blood? I will become a tainted person, mentally, physically, and spiritually…

Could you honestly say you could look at me the same way you use too? I doubt that. By the end of this war I'll be a different person. My innocence will be gone and I will be swept away in the ways of war.

Would you wait for me? Or would you have moved on? Whose even to say anything will happen between us? I don't know how or if I would tell you how I feel. Maybe one day in the future looking upon the fields of your land during a quiet sunset. The dying sun reflecting off flawless skin, making you glow, outmatching the beauty of the Gods and Goddesses you serve.

Yes. A day like that would be nice for a confession, even if I'm rejected, the image of you will be burned in my memory and I can look back on the adventure we had. A journey for survival and self-discovery. Not only for you, Komachi, and Rikichi, but also for the others including myself.

Hopefully I will see it to its end and tell you my secret one-day.

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Authors Note: 

Hello again. Hope you enjoyed reading this. I was thinking about making this an one shot but my beta wants me to continue writing this so I might do that. Any suggestions?

Don't forget to Review! .


	2. Memoir II: The Scent of Battle

A/N: This is the second chapter of Arc 1. You will understand in my second A/N.

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Memories of Irony 

Memoir II: The Scent of Battle and the Visions Within

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Looking back on it now all I can do is laugh at the realization that you had such little faith in me. Everything was about Kambei-sama! He had experience in everything apparently. Wars, life in general, even bed warming. Though I thought you experienced that, with the way he constantly shut you out.

I almost feel bad for you; but then again if I feel bad for you, then I must feel bad for myself for we are the same, we both are naive. We don't understand the world around us, or about the art of war. We were ignorant to what it meant to really kill someone. We never truly knew what it meant to be bathed in the blood of enemies and allies alike.

You said once that you would share my burden with me, but I think that that was a lie. Actually, I shouldn't think it was a lie, because it obviously was.

You feared me!

You feared that I might go berserk again and not know whom I'm killing. I know who my allies are - that was never the issue. What the issue was is if I stop and look at what I've done could I stop myself from killing one more person? That person would be myself. You couldn't save me from myself no matter how much you may have wanted to. Not unless you were willing to take all of me and in return allowing me to have all of you.

No, my love for you was lost just like the coming and goings of war. It is a sad concept.

Even if the war ends…

Another war will show up in its place.

Even if my love for you ended…

A new love might come up

Though it may not be strong as the first love depending on our bond, which might not have been that strong to begin with.

Or was I wrong? When I left to find another war, there was something that you wanted to say to me. I didn't give you the chance to say it. Should I regret that? I know that somewhere within me I do. I want to know what it was you wanted to say.

Do you even still remember me?

If so, do you still worry for my safety?

To be truly honest with myself, I have to say that I still think of you. You and the others have changed my life. It was for the better.

One day I will return.

Pay my respects to my fallen comrades who died before their time.

See if you still wait for my return like you always did.

I still wait to see if you will return my affection for you.

The next time you see me, you will be able to smell the battlefield on me.

See the blood that I have bathed in.

See the haunted look in my eyes from the many battles I have fought in over the years.

Maybe you might still be able to turn my heart back into a blood pumping organ instead of an endless void that is has become for death has killed it slowly. The blood that once flowed through my veins is now the blood of the people I've killed.

Gunpowder, steel, blood, and rotting flesh are the only things I smell.

Gunshots, explosions, and screams are the only things I hear.

Death, sorrow, and endless pain are the only things I see and feel.

Can you heal me like you did back then? Your touch took away the pain. Your smile cleared away my sorrows, and your life is what kept me from certain death.

You have always been my Goddess of the water, not just a maiden.

You were always so much more to me.

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A/N: Look a second chapter. Forgive me for taking too long. 

**READ! Ok this is how things are going to happen. This will be a 3 part story. It will be organized in arcs. This is the end of the first arc. I don't know when the next arc will come out but I will label it so you all will know if you are still interested in reading my stories**

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Reviews:

**Idiotxcrossing656:** My first review. Yay! Katsushiro is the BEST! So I have continued. Thank you for reviewing.

**Valka**n: Hello my Love! I'm glad you liked my story. I will send you the new version. . You know you love me. Thank you for reviewing

**O-dAnDeLiOn-o**: O.o never thought I would get that reaction. Makes me feel all warm and fuzz fuzz inside. . Yes recommend me your friends let me be known. First FFN then the world will know my name. Dwahahahaha… Thank you for the review.

**Ersatz of Kira:** Yay I'm so glad people like my story idea. Sorry it took me so long to update. Thank you for reviewing.

**Me:** Yeah I know it was short. This one isn't much better length wise. But once I get this out of the way than I will start generating my 6 – 9 page chapters again. . It made me angry that there wasn't really any love between then either. Grrr-ness. Thank you for the review

**Call the Winds:** Thank you for your nice comments.

**Samuraiko:** You have brought a smile to my face. Thank you for your review.

**The Black Rose:** Last but not least. You are the one that kicked me in the butt and got me to update. I was like everyone has forgotten about me but then you came with your review. Thank you. On an even brighter note :puts on sun glass: Hey great minds think alike. I was thinking along the lines of that as well. No fear. I will have them kiss! I'll make sure to make it happen to you.


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